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Letters from Lindsay to Her Dad
"The View from Paradise" -- a poem about my first public reading from the Anthology.
Here is the first paragraph of my bio."What do you do when you are sixty-two and permanently disabled by multiple sclerosis? The world gets much smaller when you can no longer go out into it easily. Time gets harder to fill without the use of hands and with increasingly limited endurance. Two problems arise, how to meet the needs for community and creativity. It helps to have a bit of serendipity. A year ago, I happened upon an article in the local newspaper about a writing group started by Maxine Hong Kingston that was still meeting after ten years. While the group's original purpose was to heal the wounds of Vietnam veterans through writing and an encouraging community, it had grown to include people from a number of backgrounds.
Best of all, from my point of view, the group met only"Shipping Away" is one of my poems from the Anthology, although this version has been changed somewhat.
Shipping Away Is there a space for one more breath in the farthest darkness of a moonless night in solitude and quietude and dreams... ... a strange desert. Wind driven by centuries of lost sighs calls the sands into shrouds infused with moonlike peace welcoming a thousand last breaths to enter. One turned and waved goodbye... ... in solitude and quietude when life goes out when life comes in and some distant writing somehow decides if you awaken or stay dead asleep? The telephone... the telephone... the telephone... Reality's ice knifes through so many layers of sleep where I crouch safe from what is, where I recline in timeless unconcern until the blade strikes the bone of contention... the telephone... My hand gropes into the black world and finds... the telephone. Nothing warm or polite to say, and as I stand angry and dumb I hear a voice distant yet familiar like home, my beautiful son speaking: dad, we're shipping out today. I only have a minute left and I wanted to tell you I love you, dad. Goodbye...
David 35 Electronics technician, SSgt. Army Reserve
Jennifer 34 Customer Service Rep.
Ryan 13 8th grade
Lindsey 10 5th grade
Bucky 3
Dear Daddy,
Mommy said I could write anytime
I wanted so here goes. Yesterday
when you went into the airplane
Mommy started crying then I did
then Bucky. Even Ryan started.
Then Mommy said lets go to
McDonald's. Bucky started
shouting "go have pig yak" until
Ryan told him to stuff a sock
in it. We all laughed.
Love Lindsey
Dear Daddy,
How are you? Have you got
there yet? Where are you
going to be stationed? The
Army won't tell us. We really
miss you already. You know
Bucky's favorite animal book
that he only let you read to him?
Now he only wants Ryan to
read it to him. Yesterday
when Ryan was playing video
games Bucky just went over
and sat down on his lap and
said read. Ryan got all mad
but read it to him anyway.
Love Lindsey
Dear Daddy,
Today at school Stephen T.
said you were just going over
to kill a bunch of people. He
said you would be a murderer.
I felt like killing him. But Mrs.
Hammond told us to sit down.
Later I told him you would never
kill anyone. Would you?
Please write and tell me.
Love Lindsey
Dear Daddy,
You haven't written to us yet,
are you ok? I asked Mommy
where you were and she said
the Army can't say that it's a
secret. Amanda's mother got
called up too. She is a nurse.
It's going to be real hard for
her dad because he got laid off
from his job. Amanda has three
sisters and one brother.
Love Lindsey
Dear Daddy,
I'm really worried about Mommy.
She cries a lot and doesn't get up
in the morning until late. Kimmi's
mom has been coming over in the
morning to give us breakfast and
get us ready for school. When we
come home mom is still in her
bathrobe. Uncle Dennis is coming
over tonight to talk to her. I
think she misses you a lot.
Love Lindsey
Dear Daddy,
Mommy had to go to the hospital
for a few days. We stayed with
Uncle Dennis and Aunt Sally.
Now Mommy has to take some pills
but she is feeling better. But she
still wishes you were here. So do I.
Love Lindsey
Dear Daddy,
Are you ok? We get no letters from
you. Yesterday Ryan got suspend
from school for fighting. He has been
getting bad grades since you left. He
and mom fight all the time. I wish
you could come home so our
family could be happy again.
Love Lindsey
Dear Daddy,
Grandma and Grandpa Elson came
over Saturday. They brought me
the newest Harry Potter book!
They were going to a big antiwar
march in San Francisco. They
wanted mom to know that they
love you and pray for you every
day but they think what the government
is doing is wrong. They had a big
sign with your picture on it.
Love Lindsey
Dear Daddy,
The news says we have attacked Iraq.
Bucky is really mad because none
of his cartoon shows are on TV. They
talk about it all the time but they don't
say much. I hope you are safe. Have
you killed anyone yet? Mrs. Hammond
had to stop class yesterday because
so many kids were crying. We are going
to have an assembly today.
Love Lindsey
Dear Daddy,
When is this stupid war going to be over?
When are you going come home? Mommy
is starting to cry again. Ryan was caught
with some marawana at school and was
suspended again. Mommy is worried
about losing her job. We got a new
puppy to make us feel better.
Love Lindsey
Dear Dad,
Please come home now. Things are
getting really bad for Mommy and
Ryan. We need you here at home.
Bucky gave me this picture for you.
He says it's him and you painting
the house. I love you. Come home
soon.
Love Lindsey
Since publication in September, we have been out and about at events, bookstores and classrooms giving readings and promoting our work. My first reading was at the Paradise Ridge Winery in Santa Rosa. Following is a poem I wrote about that experience...
You let me out, Lord. I thank you for that. Only for an afternoon but you took me to Paradise. Long ago, you set a path for me which I have followed faithfully. The path became a rut, then a trench and then a ditch. The ditch became a chasm, which has now become a canyon. The canyon walls are narrowing and are to sheer for me to climb. You've held me there till now and now open a valley before me. You lead me to a ridge overlooking that valley and show me the countless possibilities below. Yet here, look here where we stand surrounded by oaks and grasses and people. Here, in this small place, you show me my reality. My energy melts away under the sharp September sun. Not even shade or breeze can revive my body. I never ever imagined it would be like this but I only drew from youthful memories. You want me to speak to the people the poetry we set down together. But before I can finish I falter, I fail. Did you bring me here to show me what I can no longer physically do? I see that and also the extent of your cruelty. You say to me open your eyes and see beyond. See the one who loves you most and finishes speaking the words we wrote. Listen to the words of yours and others and recognize what is there. Fill your senses with language and love for that is what you have and that is all you need. Thank God, Lord. Don Edward Morris September 11, 2006